oh god it hurts... 7 months, 3 days, 8 hours, and 35 minutes since it ended. I still cry. I still go whole days thinking of you. I think of how just the night before, we were talking about getting married, you moving over these 2,136 miles to be here with me, like we discussed for over a year and a half of our relationship. I still think of how much you took my breath away and meant to me, how you meant far beyond anything I'd ever imagine to feel towards something in my life...
I planned my whole life around you, my universe centered around your gravity that pulled me in from the beginning that day in February of 2012. I still remember every little thing about you, the conversations we had, the inside jokes, our first phone call, those special skype sessions we had, that dimple on your left cheek when you'd smile.... but I can't hear your laugh or your voice anymore.... it's been so long that 2 of my favorite things about you I can't even hear anymore... I'll try and focus so hard, but I don't have the power to hear those anymore.
You know, angel.... I pray for your return, even despite my severe lack of belief in a god. The more I pray, the less I believe.... but I still do it. I don't know why... I guess just on the off chance it works eventually..
I never saw another thing on this planet as beautiful and perfect as you. They say nobody is perfect, but if that's true, you've achieved the impossible. Sure you did things that irked me at times, but that's what made you perfect.... the fact that you were imperfect.... you were real, you made up for those things by being the best damn love I could have.
oh why, why did two perfect people who should be together have to be so far? I feel that if we weren't separated in distance, we would've made it.
I can't breathe... the weight on my chest makes it so hard. I'm stuck on what to do from here, you were my motivation, I found myself changing so many things because of you, not because you forced me to, but because I naturally did so... to be the most perfect man I could be.
Oh if you only knew how much I would make every moment incredible for you. I know no man will ever put as much passion into each kiss for you that I did and would always do.
I hope you remember every promise made was every promise I'd never break.
Oh angel, I love you... I miss you more than what's expressable by human capabilities. I hope on everything I have that we come together once again and I achieve the biggest dream I have, being your husband for a lifetime.... the man who'd grab your hand and gaze into your beautiful brown eyes in our old age, and tell you that I love you, in that same beautiful passion I have felt in all this time...
Please, come back...
"forever and always" angel, remember that...
...............
